Grief is a bitch

Grief is a bitch

Grief is smothering me, drowning me in heavy deep anguish. Wretchedness and quiet solace rule my days.

This form of deep grief is new. I’m not sure how to deal with it. I know one thing, I have to feel to heal it…

It’s in my deepest darkest moments that I find solace in creating. Letting something very close to the core out. Self portraits seemed right. I need to show myself that I am going to be ok.

The grief will never leave. I loved Dad too much for that. I need however, to learn to live with it, to catch its blow fearlessly.

Grief is really living with a mind on a roller coaster ride. One minute you are able to feel like everything is fine. You feel strong, are moving forward, seeing all the colours life has to offer. The next minute, out of nowhere, sadness grabs that grief and together they drain all the colours … bring your heart to scream in silent pain.